


Have You Ever Loved Anyone?

by Arizona96



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2019-12-30 18:40:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18321008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arizona96/pseuds/Arizona96
Summary: Why do you think Jack never answers the question about whether or not he's been in love?





	Have You Ever Loved Anyone?

"Haven't you ever loved anyone, Jack?" That question stings, though I don't react to it outwardly. I know my team thought me aloof, but I never thought they thought me cold. Looking at me as a statue, unmoving and unloving. I've loved so many over the years that the question takes me aback. My mind floods with their faces. Some young, taken before their time. The price of Torchwood. Others aged well past my physical one. Those are harder to bear than the young ones. Their faces are tainted by bitterness, by anger. At my never changing face, untouched by time. As though by traveling with the Doctor, it's somehow left some unseen mark, and time flows around me and not through me. I force the memories down and focus on Ianto's wet, tear stained face. He looks at me hopefully, big blue eyes begging me to help him. I lean in and my voice deepens as I almost spit the words at him. "You need to figure out what side you're on." I watch his expression fall as I turn away. For a second, all I see is Rose. When that vision fades, I strengthen my resolve. I'm doing what's right. 

 

*********************************

 

"All that deception. Because he couldn't bear to live without her. So, have you ever loved anyone that much?" Gwen asks as we watch Ianto clear the Hub of rubbish. Her way of asking is so different to Ianto's. I know she's asking if I can love, so I can say that I love her. She's hopeful that I'll say yes. I glance at her and say nothing. Do they really believe me so heartless? Maybe I am. That brings up her earlier statement that I wouldn't have shot him. So maybe I haven't helped them think well of me. Gwen moves topics when it becomes clear I won't answer the previous. She's wondering if Ianto will stay. I watch him sadly, knowing the heartache he's experiencing all too well. Although he looks so well put together, hair combed, suit immaculate, spine ramrod straight. I can see that he's utterly destroyed. The grief he's delayed since Canary Wharf has caught up and tripled due to him prolonging the cyber woman's life. The memories swirl up again and I force them back down. Remembering them now feels so much worse than seeing them die. Ianto moves around the Hub and I continue to watch him. I can't help but feel glad that the threat is gone. But I'm no longer sure that I'm doing what's right. And that thought scares me more than the question about whether or not I can love. Gwen leaves me to my thoughts as we both leave Ianto to his. And I have to wonder who is more destoyed after yesterday's events. Me or the welsh boy with the sad blue eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Constructive criticism always appreciated


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